i103 Wedding Sermon
I greet you in the name of Mammon and invite you to enter into this “holy time” with glad and generous hearts as together we celebrate the wedded immortality of Corporate Person with the mortal flesh of Angela Marie Vogel. We gather knowing that the love that binds them together will end in the grief and tragedy of Angela’s mortal death even as Corporate Person lives on marrying again and again with the adoration and support of shareholders world-wide. But today we celebrate this moment, this consummation of ecstasy and attraction. We celebrate these bonds of affection as Corporate Person with stony indifference evokes yet another merger of yet another possession — this one, like others before her and others that will come after, beautiful, unique and highly desired … full of potential and full of hope. Angela of flesh, blood and bone offers herself to Corporate Person as yet another object to be used, abused and cast away when no longer profitable. But deliriously expectant that this time Corporate Person will be different!
For Angela, dear, sweet victim of corporate propaganda, she has been swept up in a love that knows no boundaries, nor limits, nor moral concerns … what really does it matter that Corporate Person is merely a legal fiction? What really does it matter that he will look upon her as a business interest to be exploited and sacrificed for greater interests and profit? What really does it matter — for Angela has found her Rock, the one who will secure and protect her … and even though Corporate Person cannot himself display ecstasy, adoration and actual concern for another life-form, he can still produce Viagra, pornography and sex-toys as distractions of amusement. In the end Angela comes before us, as has millions before her full of hopes and dreams and expectations … but at least in this case Angela knows they can never be fulfilled — so since a girl can’t have everything she might as well have unlimited amounts of corporate cash. We celebrate this common sense wisdom, this worldly craftiness, this cold characteristic of capitalism as each, Corporate Person & Angela Marie Vogel, marry for their own self interest.
Let us prey:
PRAYER Oh benevolent Mammon for whom all of life bows and submits just to increase your influence — we shareholders within your commonwealth of greed come now before Thee seeking blessing and grace for our fictional friend Corporate Person and his soon to be cast-aside wife Angela Marie Vogel. Pour out your Moneyed Spirit upon them so that they might unite both Corporate and Human energies to defeat any challenges to their union: through your power in them smite Initiative 103 and all other attempts to limit Corporate control, smite all attempts to grant human rule, human reason, or human desire, the priority of care. We are so grateful to you Creator Mammon for corrupting democracy and buying off politicians, we are thankful that through you we can now give up on that old quaint experiment of human beings as independent actors —today we celebrate our absorption into the new image of corporate commodification of all flesh, blood and bone. As Angela offers her life in submission, may we also offer our own. All in the name of the brave new world, the brave new future, the brave new evolution of corporate control in whom we seek security.
Corporate Person, do you choose this mortal woman to be your wedded wife, to live with her in the commodified state of matrimony? Will you insert her into your purposes, structure her life to increase your value, receive her adoration as chains to enslave her? Will you silence her voice, surveil her movements, monitor her vagina, and restrict her opinions while increasing the illusion of her choices as long as she remains your property, an object of your lack of affection?
(shareholders respond WE WILL)
Angela, do you choose this legal fiction to be your wedded husband, to live with him in the commodified state of matrimony? Will you love, honor and serve him in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, will you practice kindness and consideration toward him, will you defend his reputation and continually give up your time, talent, treasure and trophies for his pleasure and gain, will you forsake all other loyalties and priorities, being faithful only unto him as long as you shall live? (I will)
WILL THE CONGREGATION PLEASE STAND? Will you give your blessing to Corporate Person and Angela Marie Vogel and promise to do all that you can to support them in their marriage of corporation and flesh?
Is there any fool here who might object — anyone that might have reason to be concerned with this commodified union? (Jeff Reifman I-103)
Let us not be inhabited by such a fool —turn away from him, go back to shopping, distract yourself with amusements, don’t worry —BE HAPPY and have a nice day!
In celebration of this merger let us each reach deep into our pocketbooks and take out a symbol of that which is most sacred and holy of all — let us show the benevolent power of our Corporate Lords & Masters by taking out a $1 bill —
Is there anyone here among us who is homeless? Down & out? In need of a buck? In need of moneyed love? —If so could you just raise your hand and those around such a one just give that person a wedding gift of love … give that a person your dollar of luv —your sacred gift of treasure.
Receive this gift as a small token of the benevolence of the Corporate-Government-Military –Market merger that now rules the land of the once free.
Let us say AMEN !!!
THE PRONOUNCEMENT Because Corporate Person and Angela Marie Vogel have consented together in commodified matrimony, having pledged to each other their faithfulness before Mammon and this public politically enslaved gathering: on behalf of our true religion, the worship of the dollar, and in compliance with the laws of this land, I pronounce that they are, from this day forward, husband and wife, one corporate flesh to the glory of Mammon and to the devastation of all the earth and its resources.
Corporate Person and Angela may your children become sacrifices in war for greater market gain, may your wealth be without end, may your desire for more always be insatiable. May you begin every day in expectation of profit, and end every night resting secure in each other’s bank accounts. May your continuous lies never be revealed, may your lawlessness never be held accountable, may your theft be forgiven, and may you own this nation lock, stock and barrel until freedom is no more.
You may kiss and merge — and we may applaud.
Rev. Rich Lang (email@example.com) is Pastor of University Temple United Methodist and a columnist for Real Change. www.utemple.org